Right now

Howdy! It has now been seven months since I got back home. It has been flying bye. I feel good, much better than 2-3 months ago. I was feeling empty. Nothing that I did around here, at home, work etc. made me feel fullfilled. I was drinking to get drunk or at least buzzed enough to let me fall fast asleep. I don't know how much it affected my kids and of course, Monica. But it seemed as though she was waiting for me to catch my own reflection and the ensuing realization that this just is'nt worth it.
See, over there, everything that we did mattered, at least to us. We were on a mission and we supported one another to the fullest. As I said, I am feeling better. "The moment" happened a couple of weeks back. I was struggling to get and stay motivated but I had to go out to clean our pool. As I was standing over the edge, looking down, I saw myself and even though the reflection was a bit distrorted, I was shocked by what I saw. Not because I was looking at a true reflection of me but because the way that I looked right then was exactly the way that I was feeling. I put the skimmer down and went inside. I sat down, the family was out, and I just thought back to the guys. What would they think of me? More to the point, I thought about Senior Chief Burcroff, my CO while I was in Rawah. What would he think? That sobered me up. Understand that I was not drinking like Nicholas Cage in Leaving Las Vegas. I would crack a beer open and think, "Why not?" And off I would go. I did not do this every night or even every weekend. But I am better than that. So it has now been three weeks since even a drop has made it to my lips. I am feeling great. OK, that's a lie, I feel like crap. I've been fighting a sinus infection for about a week. Maybe I just need a shot of warmed up tequila? I'm kidding.

I finally got my lap top fixed. I will be posting some pics soon, like this weekend.