December 15

Along with this being a traditionally festive month, the 15th of December is the other day of the month that is close to my heart.

December 15, 1995: At just after 11 a.m., just outside of Los Angeles, my oldest son was born. And sometime that same day, about 750 miles away, in El Paso, Texas, my niece Annette was giving birth to her oldest daught, Victoria.

December 15, 1998: I was on my last at sea deployment, on board the USS Abraham Lincoln, and I received a Red Cross message that my grandma, the last of my grandparents, had passed away. A little while later, I was talking to the chaplain, trying to get my head on straight when the announcement for the low visibilty detail came over the 1MC. I grabbed my gear and headed up to the top of the tower. In more than five years of being on this watch bill, that announcement had never been made. But up the tower, to the 10th level, I climbed. Every step of the way, memories of my grandma clouded my vision. Her, holding me in her arms, "Ahh-rooh, rooh, rooh"-ing me to sleep. Later in my early teens, there I am, making monkey noises and she's in her chair, giggling and clapping, her laughter filling the room. I opened the hatch to the weather deck and as the hatch closed I heard, "Now secure the low visibility detail."

I wanted to get upset and cuss at my duty section leader and just let the emotions of losing my abuela come rolling out. But then something caught my attention. I looked at the horizon and I could see dark gray, clouds and lightning dancing across the water but above me the clouds were parting. Opening up to the evening sky, giving way to millions of stars. Brighter than any that I have seen before or since. I felt this incredible sense of calm. I swear that I could hear her voice over the whir of the radars and flight deck machinery below me. "Estoy bien, mi changuito. Estoy bien." I sat up there for a few minutes and then I prayed. I asked God to help my family, especially my mom, to be strong.

I flew to El Paso and we buried her a couple of days later.

December 15, 2011: My son, Sergio Antonio, is celebrating his 16th birthday. I know that for boys, turning 16 is not as big a deal as it is to girls but for me it is very significant. Sixteen years have flown by. He's gone from being my best friend to not wanting to be around me to coming back around again.

Last Day

So here it is, my last day in the office before heading out for my 5th mobilization and my 4th deployment. I did two on active duty but I was on a boat and not just any boat, I was on the USS Abraham Lincoln! And who in there right mind is going to go up against a freaking nuclear warship? (Aside from the USS Sacramento...) Anyway, I am a couple of months shy of my 15th anniversary with the same company, AT&T Mobility (AWS!!!) I just have to say through all of the deployments and countless of annual trainings (AT), this company has been covering my six the whole step of the way. I wish I could convey how important it is for me to know that my employer is right there to support me and my family. Not only that but I have a slew of people that although I no longer work with many of them, they still check in on me and ask about my family, my job and of course my continued service.
When I joined the military, the best piece of advice that my mom gave me was to surround myself with good people. The people that I care about, my friends, are not perfect but they (you) make me a better person. Either by listening to my concerns, calling me out when I step out of line, giving me hope when I am having one of 'those days' or simply giving me great examples of changes I can make to enrich my life. (I love you guys!)

That time again...

So here I am once more, going through the mobilization process, and hopefully for the last time. The hardest part of this process is NOT the endless running around only to have hurry up and wait, for one reason or another. The most difficult part of the process is having to be away from my kid, Monica, my family and friends. It is during the down times or gray areas as these guys call it, that I struggle the most. I have a hotel room to myself and it is during the times that I am alone in my room that I question each and every reason why I enlisted in the Navy and then chose to continue serving in the reserves. I do not question my commitment to this country and to the men and women that I serve with but I question myself only because being away from them makes this so very difficult. We’ve been put through many different training evolutions, lectures, processing, etc. but, and I hate to admit it, more often than not I find that I am simply going through the motions. I am still getting my quals in but I hate feeling like I am not giving 100 percent. I just hope that the people in my life understand how important they are to me. I would not be able to do what I do without them ‘having my six’.


It is now the night before our ‘lock down’ day. Everyone is doing their own thing, grilling, chilling, drinking etc. but in a couple of hours this place will become a ghost town as people will isolate themselves and make the last minute phone calls, or just get caught up in the internal ‘what if’ conversations. My thoughts will inevitably focus on my family. I just want and need them to understand that they are my well of strength. Yes, I put myself through some grueling workouts but they gave me that extra bit of strength that at times, I could not find on my own. Tomorrow, we will begin the final phase before going ‘wheels up’. It is going to be a long day, filled with too much second guessing and down time. I just want to get through it, get on that bird and get this thing going. Let me do my job, get the days to start meaning something and get me back to the ones that I love.

Simple. (but too much to ask for.)