Adjusting...

The countdown for me to return home started on 24MAR. My first couple of weeks were spent at Camp Leatherneck. Although I was working with a bunch of good people, I hated my time there. Too many people are out to make a name for themselves. The backstabbing and rumors were just out of control. Luckily, my name was added to a list for thee major project of our deployment. The skipper calls it 'mission critical'. I wish I could tell you more but this project is the sort of stuff that will pop up in Seabee history books. Hoo-rah!

Anyway, a small group of us have been sent out to a FOB (forward operating base) in the middle of AFG. The base is bigger than the other FOB's that I've been to but it is what it is. By the looks of things, we forced our way in and took over a hilltop and small section of this city and built the base up from there. But now the base is run by the Polish army and let me just say that they are not the friendliest of people. I am sure that it is more of a cultural thing that will only take time to help me change my initial opinion of them. But unlike Iraq, this war has pushed us to blend in with military personnel from other countries. We've rubbed elbows with Estonians, Georgians (not the ATL!) Jordanians, the Aussies, the Brits, the Danes and many more. This war is truly a joint effort and one that I am glad to be a part of.

Our side of the came is still being developed. We are waiting for our 'permanent' housing to be completed. To include our own 'rooms' and internet. (We sure have come a long way.) but those are just extras. The base is as secure, if not more so than any of the bases that I  have been to and I am working with a solid crew of guys. Now that we have started doing the work that we were trained to do, we are finally able to get into a groove. Thankfully, the days are flying by.

Much love to all of you.

December 15

Along with this being a traditionally festive month, the 15th of December is the other day of the month that is close to my heart.

December 15, 1995: At just after 11 a.m., just outside of Los Angeles, my oldest son was born. And sometime that same day, about 750 miles away, in El Paso, Texas, my niece Annette was giving birth to her oldest daught, Victoria.

December 15, 1998: I was on my last at sea deployment, on board the USS Abraham Lincoln, and I received a Red Cross message that my grandma, the last of my grandparents, had passed away. A little while later, I was talking to the chaplain, trying to get my head on straight when the announcement for the low visibilty detail came over the 1MC. I grabbed my gear and headed up to the top of the tower. In more than five years of being on this watch bill, that announcement had never been made. But up the tower, to the 10th level, I climbed. Every step of the way, memories of my grandma clouded my vision. Her, holding me in her arms, "Ahh-rooh, rooh, rooh"-ing me to sleep. Later in my early teens, there I am, making monkey noises and she's in her chair, giggling and clapping, her laughter filling the room. I opened the hatch to the weather deck and as the hatch closed I heard, "Now secure the low visibility detail."

I wanted to get upset and cuss at my duty section leader and just let the emotions of losing my abuela come rolling out. But then something caught my attention. I looked at the horizon and I could see dark gray, clouds and lightning dancing across the water but above me the clouds were parting. Opening up to the evening sky, giving way to millions of stars. Brighter than any that I have seen before or since. I felt this incredible sense of calm. I swear that I could hear her voice over the whir of the radars and flight deck machinery below me. "Estoy bien, mi changuito. Estoy bien." I sat up there for a few minutes and then I prayed. I asked God to help my family, especially my mom, to be strong.

I flew to El Paso and we buried her a couple of days later.

December 15, 2011: My son, Sergio Antonio, is celebrating his 16th birthday. I know that for boys, turning 16 is not as big a deal as it is to girls but for me it is very significant. Sixteen years have flown by. He's gone from being my best friend to not wanting to be around me to coming back around again.

Last Day

So here it is, my last day in the office before heading out for my 5th mobilization and my 4th deployment. I did two on active duty but I was on a boat and not just any boat, I was on the USS Abraham Lincoln! And who in there right mind is going to go up against a freaking nuclear warship? (Aside from the USS Sacramento...) Anyway, I am a couple of months shy of my 15th anniversary with the same company, AT&T Mobility (AWS!!!) I just have to say through all of the deployments and countless of annual trainings (AT), this company has been covering my six the whole step of the way. I wish I could convey how important it is for me to know that my employer is right there to support me and my family. Not only that but I have a slew of people that although I no longer work with many of them, they still check in on me and ask about my family, my job and of course my continued service.
When I joined the military, the best piece of advice that my mom gave me was to surround myself with good people. The people that I care about, my friends, are not perfect but they (you) make me a better person. Either by listening to my concerns, calling me out when I step out of line, giving me hope when I am having one of 'those days' or simply giving me great examples of changes I can make to enrich my life. (I love you guys!)

That time again...

So here I am once more, going through the mobilization process, and hopefully for the last time. The hardest part of this process is NOT the endless running around only to have hurry up and wait, for one reason or another. The most difficult part of the process is having to be away from my kid, Monica, my family and friends. It is during the down times or gray areas as these guys call it, that I struggle the most. I have a hotel room to myself and it is during the times that I am alone in my room that I question each and every reason why I enlisted in the Navy and then chose to continue serving in the reserves. I do not question my commitment to this country and to the men and women that I serve with but I question myself only because being away from them makes this so very difficult. We’ve been put through many different training evolutions, lectures, processing, etc. but, and I hate to admit it, more often than not I find that I am simply going through the motions. I am still getting my quals in but I hate feeling like I am not giving 100 percent. I just hope that the people in my life understand how important they are to me. I would not be able to do what I do without them ‘having my six’.


It is now the night before our ‘lock down’ day. Everyone is doing their own thing, grilling, chilling, drinking etc. but in a couple of hours this place will become a ghost town as people will isolate themselves and make the last minute phone calls, or just get caught up in the internal ‘what if’ conversations. My thoughts will inevitably focus on my family. I just want and need them to understand that they are my well of strength. Yes, I put myself through some grueling workouts but they gave me that extra bit of strength that at times, I could not find on my own. Tomorrow, we will begin the final phase before going ‘wheels up’. It is going to be a long day, filled with too much second guessing and down time. I just want to get through it, get on that bird and get this thing going. Let me do my job, get the days to start meaning something and get me back to the ones that I love.

Simple. (but too much to ask for.)

It's on...

I am now less than 90 days from mobilizing. To where and for how long, I do not know yet. But it is time for me to start keeping the people closest to me to up to date.

So please, stop in often.

Pic 1: Mom, Dad, Celo, Monica, Sergio and Bella.

Pic 2: Bella, Celo and Sergio on the South Rim of the Grand Canyon at the head of Angel Trail. My mom and dad came along for the trip as well...One of the best vacations that we've ever taken...

Wake up

I just spent four days training with a group of people that for the most part, are going to be good to work for but more importantly, work with. I've never met most of them and none of the ones that I do know will be working with me. The good thing is that most of the people involved with what we will be doing have been doing it for some time. I apologize for being vague but it is what it is. (I'll fill you in later.)
I was only away from my family and friends for four days but it's true, absence makes the heart grow fonder. Monica told me that every day, throughout the day, Bella would wander around the house looking for me. The nights were harder for her. She is used to having me there and say our evening prayer together. On the nights that she ends up in bed with us she presses herself as close as she can to be. That's the only way that she will fall asleep. She does not understand that there are times when I have so much on my mind that having her doze off next to me helps me to put things in perspective. I know that this deployment is going to be very difficult for Bella and Monica. My boys, Sergio and Marcelo, my young men will struggle but they have gone through this with me before and they are both very level headed. Marcelo is at a stage in his life where he is going through changes. He is having his difficulties with it but Sergio has stepped in and is helping him through it. I've overheard him giving Celo advice and his words, the way that he expresses himself to his little brother, has left me feeling incredibly humbled and fortunate. I know that they will be able to look out for each other, and at the same time be able to help Monica and Bella.
There are times that being in the reserves and staying committed to serving makes me believe that I am being selfish. What does my family get out of me being away, training or overseas and at times, in harms way? Why do I continue to make them go through this with me? I know that I could not do this without the support that they give me month in and month out but these feelings of guilt are probably what I find harder to deal with, especially when I away from home and away from them.

Another go 'round...

During my AT (Annual Training) back in April, some of the guys that I had mobilized with before recognized me (imagine that!) and asked if I was going to mobilize with them. My response was, "If I get orders, I won't shy away from going." I also ran into my commanding officer from NMCB 18. He asked me the same thing. At that point I pretty much knew that my name was going to be added. It was just a matter of me being medically and physically ready to mobilize. I signed a waiver and the waiting game began.

Well, after our road trip to Big Bend, I started receiving info that my name was being tossed around as a possible addition to 1NCR's (First Naval Construction Regiment) mobilization list. A couple of weeks later, I received a call from a chief that I had met during the AT. He asked if I was OK with being a part of his team. What could I say, 'No'?

So here I am, waiting to catch a flight and head to southern California to get things going. I am filled with apprehension, anxiety and excitement. I don't know what I will being or who will be standing on my left and right. I only know a handful of people on the mobilization list. That is the beauty of being the member of the Naval Reserve, you don't know most of the people that you are ordered to train and mobilize with but somehow, we just get shit done and at the same time forge friendships, no, a brotherhood that will never be broken.

8 months later....

So here I am, trying to get this going again...Monica asked about my journals and this blog but I just changed the topic. I need to get and stayed involved with this bloggin' thing.

Here we go...
Tomorrow, we, the family and I, leave for a short weekend trip down to the Big Bend area of South Texas. The last time that I headed down that way, I was a kid riding along with my Dad on one of his business trips. I used to love traveling with him even though we did not do much in terms of kids stuff. Just getting the chance to spend one on one time with him meant so much to me. Even now, some thirty years later, I look forward to just being around the 'old man'. Now, I get to travel the same roads he and I traveled. This time with my kids and my wife. I was looking forward to spending our nights outdoors and under the stars but it's summer and this is Texas. Monica nixed that idea in a hurry. We'll be city slickin' it and staying at the Gage Hotel in Marathon, Texas. It will be cool to get some hiking, swimming and maybe some rafting in but again, it's these kinds of mini vacations that I always look forward to.

I'll be posting photos as soon as we get back.

18

NMCB 18 is now into their second or third month of their deployment. From what I understand, they battalion was split up between Iraq, Afghanistan with a small contingency staying behind in Kuwait. Many of the people that I deployed with are back over there again. So I am having a hard time dealing with that part of it. Not a day goes by that I do not think about Dan, Paul, Ron, T-Mac and so many more of those guys. Although I just completed a five month "mobilization" period, a big part of me feels guilty for not being out there with them.
It does not help that we just hit the four year anniversary of Chuck Kompaa's passing. I can still see myself working on his memorial mural and I still feel some guilt about being the one to have painted it. Don't get me wrong, it was and still is a great honor for me but it was hard. I received a couple of e-mails from his family, thanking me for the murals but I wish that I could have done more for him and them.
That's what is hard about life, you don't get "do-overs."
Three plus years later, I look through the photos and the letters from that deployment and I still miss being over there. I miss being with the guys. We worked hard but what we were able to do with limited resources made up for the long days and short nights.
Seabees; Can Do!